Here I was, lying in my bed, super pregnant, and already anxious about my baby’s sleep. I scrolled through Instagram, trying to find the help I thought I would need so desperately. It sucked, honestly…

All I saw were little tiny babies sleeping peacefully in their cribs. I thought that must be the only right way to do it. Oh, was I wrong!

The first accounts Instagram recommended were sleep trainers. I knew that CIO (Cry It Out) wasn't my jam, but I fell for their tips anyways! I bought a newborn course, a very expensive one at that, from one of the biggest sleep training accounts out there. The 5-S, drowsy-but-awake, crib only, no eye contact. Before my baby was even born, I was soooo sure to implement it all!

Jump to my baby’s birth: unplanned c-section, healthy baby, and a healthy mom. In the hospital bed, I was unable to really move, with my baby on my chest, nursing so peacefully, drifting off. My first thought was: okay, put him inside his little bed. I tried to get up, I failed, I called the nurse. She asked me what I was trying to do, I explained, she shook her head and told me to put my baby next to me, in the bed and nurse, nurse, nurse… I was a little worried, but I did as told!

At home, I had already prepared our little sleeping section with a lovely crib next to the bed, easy to reach over to pull him in for feedings at night. Yeah, that was the plan, but I made the plan without my baby. He HATED his crib with such a passion! Thinking back, I feel really sorry for myself, so much worry, so much anxiety, I felt like a failure. Why isn’t he sleeping in his crib? Swaddled and all. I pulled him next to me, I knew nothing about the Safe Sleep 7. So the way I bedshared was very unsafe: swaddled, my blanket and pillow next to his head. But we slept, it worked. I still tried to put him down drowsy-but-awake every evening, every nap, in his crib, avoiding eye contact - surprise - it never worked. I felt worse and worse every time I tried. Wasn't that how it's supposed to be?

After about six months, and me still bedsharing unsafely, I discovered an Instagram account that had nothing to do with sleep training. I was impressed! The weight that fell off my shoulders was insane. I learned how to bedshare safely, I learned what was normal, and I found a community that resonated so much with me.

From that day on, everything changed for the better.

And that's how it all began…